I'm feeling damn fucked up right now. to cut my frustrations short, it's all because of my dad. this may seem backstabbing but ironically, that's what blogging is about, unintentional backstabbing. he's really "the trouble". he created the trouble, made situation worse for others and for no valid reasons, others have to suffer. what the hell. i don't wanna elaborate on the situation. why should i publicise it? it's already enough to tarnish my soul when i'm keeping the issue to myself. what more when i make it public? just my luck to have to endure all this misery la. as a bro, i gotta give and take. as a son, i gotta give and take. when will i ever have the right to live my own? if everything has the policy of "give and take", i might as well not live as a human being in the first place.

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!

such a sudden change of direction in life.
without no gush of wind, nor any ripple in the water.
everything's changed in an instant.
i'm being deprived of my own rights, not to say freedom.
why must it ALWAYS happen to me?

i don't feel bad, neither do i feel sad.
but i do feel weird deep down inside of me.
that feeling that burns your soul.
that emotion that seeks to destroy the inner you.
i just simply can't put them to words.

i'm lost. totally dazed. completely forgotten of the world around me.
to tell the truth, once again i'm feeling damn
FUCKED UP !
nothing's going to go my way. never.
i gotta stop dreaming.
maybe my fate has been sealed.

i'll always live in misery.




why me? why me? why me?
why.... must it always... be me... ?