Failure. for the first time, i experienced it even before the reality sinks in me. this feeling totally sucks big time. no, not the feeling of failure. i don't mind failure. it brings me back down to Earth. it's the feeling of all your hard work going down thd drain that stinks.

yep, FOM presentation was a complete disaster. i wouldn't wanna point my finger to anybody. maybe not even myself. 'cause i don't know who's at fault, really. perhaps nobody's at fault. i always believe things happen for a reason. but i simply can't figure out why this disaster had befall on me.

was the time given too short? no, the first group did finish on time. were we pressurized by the standard that was set? i doubt so; we promised to do the best of our ability, not to compete. did we underprepare? in my case, i wouldn't wanna say so. so what was the element that had affected so much?


i'm afraid that this FOM module will 'stain' my diploma. unless i really did well for my semestral exams of course, which i can't afford to do any worse. but i admit i'm no good presenter anyway. perhaps the line of speech doesn't come naturally to me. perhaps i wasn't given enough exposure. perhaps i just didn't try hard enough to make myself a better presenter.

perhaps. perhaps. perhaps. perhaps all of the above are true in relation to me. oh shucks. i can't get the feeling out of my heart, i can't get the memory out of my head. i feel so helpless now. nightmares haunting me. signs of trauma crawling to me.

"hey, it's only a small thing right? you'll surely get over it. you can always do better next time."

next time? will there ever be another 'next time'? oh sure there will be, if i become a repeat-module student that is.

anyway, what's wrong with our class's girls? nobody's perfect right? everybody has a 'minus' point. so why the bad light upon them? i've experienced backstabbers, traitors, fair-weather friends before and they don't seem like any of those to me. perhaps time will tell but till then, why draw conclusions blindly?

How could this happen to me
I made my mistakes
I've got no where to run
The night goes on
As I'm fading away
I'm sick of this life
I just wanna scream
How could this happen to me

'a heaven's will is hell's desire?'