I feel like a girl today! i was being raped! molested! sexually harassed! whatever way you want to describe it, it's really all up to you. but the bottomline is, i'm no longer a virgin! ("i feel like a girl today"? what makes me think that only venusians are more open to such vicous attacks?
(ahem) children, at the end of your reading session today, you will learn that women are not as innocent as you think they are. in fact, they can be much worse than man, you see.)

"FITRI IS NO LONGER A VIRGIN? *GASP* *GASP* *GASP* NOOOOO!!! THIS CAN'T BE HAPPENING!"

well, no worries though. it has already happened anyway. you can't turn back time right. but why must all these happen to me? why...? what wrong have i done to deserve all this?

nah, i'm just exaggerating here. actually, today was the first time i release my well-kept secrets of myself to the public. not just any other secrets, but secrets about... let me put it this way, about my "sexual" life. and not just to any public, but more precisely, my classmates.

"wah, i didn't know our class people is so dirty-minded," devon went to make a remark.

well you do now. other than the ever-noticable Sitze, you can practically point out nobody who can be labelled as a "perverted old man", irregardless of your sex. that's before today came into the picture. after today, i am fully convinced that even the innocent Yijin and the ever-clueless Wantong has the "dirty" side that i never knew existed in them.

i don't know how the whole conversation topic started in the Study Area but i soon found myself dragged into a conversation made of hair, penis and shaving. (i shall not reveal any real names here so as to protect the identities of my fellow mates... or should I? ) From shaving of the armpit hair to the one-down-there, every sentence that splurted out of our mouths was something amazing to us.

"How do you shave your hair down there?" *GASP*
"Isn't it painful?" *GASP*
"i think boys shouldn't shave their armpit hair, they look more 'man' that way." *GASP* (HAHAHAHAHA! i simply can't enter this piece of information into my brain. perhaps it'll be a good topic for a debate.)
"OMG! I can't believe you shave it clean!" *GASP*

then came in another big issue that's affecting the society now. but we managed to put it into a much more interesting way, our OWN way i should say.

"i don't like to watch porn but i'm very curious to see how gays do it."
"i don't watch porn but i did came across it one day." (that's it? no click, no nothing? rrreeaalllyy...)

it's already bad enough to be sharing your "beauty" tips with others, especially when there are some who are completely from another world and don't even understand us the way we do. but what's more worse than being bombarded with questions that doesn't even have any relation to them, and yet i, YES I, have to answer their doubts?


i was being put to an I.Q. test, despite them knowing that i have an IQ of 70. this time, i'm gonna prove to them that i'm no no-brainer. BRING ME YOUR QUESTIONS!!!

1) i wanna see your armpit hair!
2) seriously, tell me how do you actually shave your hair-down-there?
3) how many times do you masturbate?
4) i've never seen an erect penis before.
5) how many times do you masturbate?
6) my friend's friend hor, his penis very thick. then when it erects, can really see lor. it always happen when they all read "pornographic" comics in class.
7) how many times do you masturbate?

alamak. die already lah. how like that? can i have a 50-50 option? (NO!), can i call a friend? (NO!) can i ask the audience? (of course NO lah!). as you can see, they asked the same question THRICE and i wasn't stupid enough to fall into their trap. or was it duped? (IQ 70 leh, still can survive lah hor.)

how did i fare? how much did i win? did i manage to answer all the questions? tune in to next week's episode of "Who Doesn't Want To Be A Millionaire? - Singapore So Difficult To Earn Money, You Know"

i can't bring myself to say anything, your honour. it's just too demoralising for me. please your honour, spare me some mercy. thank god Devon came to my rescue; lets put it as telepathic. she's my shifu and a good shifu will always know when his disciple's in need of his help.

so is she a good one? she did help me in "how do girls masturbate?" and "how do guys masturbate?" trick questions though. so is she a good shifu? can somebody tell me?

(argh! i hate having an IQ of 70, when i know i don't. i feel so stupid when i'm actually cleverer. if you have a higher IQ than me, you should be able to predict the outcome of next week's episode. if not, just forget it. there won't be another episode of it due to censorship reasons.)