Nowadays, I cherish going to school. It suddenly seemed so meaningful to me. To meet my friends, get their company, be entertained by their legendary ever-lame jokes, be pre-occupied with their friendly banters, be yadayadayada...

I don't know why.

But of course there is the 'dark' side of school, which is of course inevitable. Projects and assignments- urgh! I've just been thrown a new assignment today: Gotta cover for SB Open House that's happening on the same day as the SP Open House. Don't be confused by the names there.

Initially, I gotta do it as group work together with the class but Ms Claire said that me and Lydia will be doing it for the 'Attitude' team instead. No difference at all actually, just that I haven't got any confirmation from anyone in the 'Attitude' team. Cheryl? May? Where art thou?

I digressed, now back to my point. Friends, above all, overlooked all the 'dark' side of school, at least in my case right now. Perhaps it's cause I don't quite like home anymore. All I do at home is to be attached mentally to my PC. Surf the net, blog, music, news, games, all done with my PC. It can be fun at times but it can be mentally draining too.

I can't help it lah. I'm always reaching home in the late evenings and that's the only time when I have time to myself. Because of that, I only catch certain programmes on TV and rarely read the papers nowadays. I dare admit that I'm dependent on my PC now. What's becoming of me?

Ever gotten into sour times with your mum? I just had, and it's making things worse for me. I don't know if she even cares about what's going on in my life, be it in school or not. I can't doubt her love for me 'cause she will give 'the-same-old-answer' and go on to nag about it. I've had enough of lectures in school, not another one at home.

I guess it's menopause for her but I don't even think that she realises that. I doubt that she really reflect what she's doing to be, or rather what she had done to me yesterday.

Already I'm without a dad, he's still there but somewhat missing in my life. Now I'm being ngelected by my mum. I cried before I went to bed yesterday, thinking of my misery.

"Can I just leave this world so that her love wouldn't be needed to be shared between me and my sister? I'd rather my sister have the fullest amount of tender loving care from my mum since she's already without a dad at such a young age.

Can I just live independently so that I'll not be a burden to my mum?"

Everytime I get emo, I think wildly. I'd be pessimistic...


What if one day, my sore throat gets so bad that the doc says I'll need an op to cure it. But heaven plans everything, as they always say, and I lost my voice... permanently.

So off I went from the hospital bed, without notifying the nurses, leaving a note behind for my loved ones.

And there I was walking down the sandy beaches of ECP, watching the sun set as I recall my past moments living as a normal human being.

Now that I'm handicapped, I'd be better off living alone and not be the burden of anyone. Go off far away that I can start my life anew, without any knowledge of how I got to this Earth and having the thought that I was born a mute...


Enough of this shit. How I wish I can spend time with my friends everytime. Not that I don't wanna see you, mum but home doesn't seem 'home' to me anymore, at least for now.

Now that I need money for allowances and stuff, you throw me the bank book. Whatever for? Sigh, sometimes I don't know why people don't reflect what they do.

Do you even know that you're hurting me deep inside even though I don't show it on the outside?

Tomorrow's the last match for CSCC. I have been absent for the last 2 games already and I guess I have to be present for tomorrow's one. Because of it, I have to cancel a lot of my CWC's classes. Sigh, I don't know what to say to Ms Wee. She sure is understanding but everyone has their limits right? I don't know if my apology to you is of any worth right now...

The last time I wrote here, about my debut appearance for CSCC, I wanted to score a goal. And I did.

I know this is kinda cliche and superstitious but it's all out of the fun of it. And I'm gonna do it one more time.

Tomorrow's a must win match and I really hope we'll win it. Doesn't matter if I didn't play, doesn't matter if I didn't score. I just want us to win and qualify to the next round.

Will this come true? Watch this space...